During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.

The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. -- Oscar Wilde

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James

The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.

-- From an article on the growth of federal regulations in the Oct. 24th issue of National Review

Half of the people in the world are below average.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? -- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. -- Dave Barry

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"

Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.

-- Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics

Suppose you were an idiot..... And suppose you were a member of Congress................But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?

Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea): For best results: Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. -- William Clayton

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

-- From "Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in ``Life In Hell'' by Matt Groening

"Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog

If you think you're having a bad day...

An Israeli woman's fight with a stubborn cockroach put her husband in the hospital with burns, a broken pelvis and broken ribs, the Jerusalem Post newspaper reported yesterday.

The woman, frightened by the insect when she found it in their living room, stepped on it, threw it in a toilet and sprayed a full can of insecticide on it when it refused to die.

Her husband came home from work, went to the toilet and lit a cigarette. When he threw the cigarette butt into the bowl, the insecticide fumes ignited, "seriously burning his sensitive parts," the Post wrote.

When paramedics were called to the home in Tel Aviv, they laughed so hard when they learned what had happened that they dropped the stretcher down the stairs, breaking the unidentified man's pelvis and ribs.


A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few" he asks. "No not at all" the woman replied. They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. I'm totally sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few. "Oh that’s all right" the woman says. Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them.!!


From: Ratchford, Monroe, LtC,AF/LGM1